


I loved you so much, we lost it

by skkaie29



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26813227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skkaie29/pseuds/skkaie29
Summary: this is based off Ysabelle Cuevas's cover of "I Like You So Much, You'll Know It" but her breakup version. this fic is really angsty, read at your own risk. I did change some lyrics to make it fit better.
Relationships: Kim Jongin | Kai/Oh Sehun
Kudos: 7





	I loved you so much, we lost it

**Author's Note:**

> hope y'all enjoyed reading this fic as much as I enjoyed writing it. see y'all soon :)

**I like your eyes, you looked away when you pretended to care**

**I like the dimples on the corners of the smile that you wear**

_Jongin stared at Sehun lovingly. Those eyes...those dreamy eyes, he could get lost in them for days. Sehun blushed and turned away, Jongin giggled and attacked him with a bear hug. “Cmon, lets just hang these ornaments babe,” sehun smiled, passing a glittery gold ornament to jongin._

Jongin stared at the crushed picture frame of him and sehun kissing under the christmas tree they set up that day. It's true, all good things do come to an end. He stared at the picture with sad, vengeful eyes.

**You wore them more with her, I knew and I was scared**

**I let myself fall deeper but I was prepared**

Jongin remembers that day. He just finished handing in his assignment, and was walking out of the hall before he saw him standing there. Sehun standing outside with a random girl he recognised. That girl was Minyoung, a young and pretty law student.

Sehun smiled sweetly at her, laughing and cracking jokes. They're just friends, Jongin thought, trying to convince himself. Then she kissed him on the cheek, and waved seductively at him before walking off.

Yet that day, despite what he saw, he still let sehun kiss him.

**I liked your shirt, the one I gave you can't forget how you smell**

**But now on different shoulders hang the jacket I used to wear**

_ “Jongin, do you have any spare clothes? Mine got soaked in the rain,” sehun muttered, scratching his neck. _

_ “Sure, here's one!” jongin pulled out a red shirt with a teddy bear embroidered on the front pocket. “It's a little big on me so it should fit you.” _

_ Sehun wore the shirt and hugged jongin tightly. _

_ Months later, sehun wore the same shirt, jongin cuddled into him and smelled sehun, the perfect aroma of ice and sunshine. He can't describe it, but it's memorable. _

-

_ “Jongin, are you cold? Heres my jacket,” sehun smiled, giving jongin his black leather jacket. J _ _ ongin smiled, hugging sehun tightly. _

No, he shouldn't be mad, they're not a couple anymore.

But he can't erase the image of that same leather jacket hanging on Minyoung’s shoulders.

**I loved you for so long, sometimes it's hard to bear**

**But after all this time I wish you well from here**

Today would have been their 5 year anniversary.

Jongin sat at a bench under a beautiful sakura tree, the exact same place sehun asked him to be his boyfriend 5 years ago.

He knew, by sitting here, he would just hurt more.

Then came a familiar tall figure, and a familiar petite brown haired girl.

_ Oh. He was asking her to become his girlfriend. _

Well, even then, he couldn't hate her, she was such an angel.

And if she really cared for sehun, that's all that matters.

_ Take good care of him for me, _ jongin thought, staring into the distance.

**I hate the way you let us go like it was all just nothing**

**I hate the way you hit the notes, but not the words I'm saying**

_ “Im sorry, i just cant do this anymore.” sehun said, standing up from the bed. _

_ “Do what babe, you can rant to me,” jongin questioned, staring at the younger in anticipation. _

_ “You. its you. Im sorry. I cant anymore, we have to break up.” sehun muttered, not daring to stare into the eyes of his ex-lover. _

_ “W...hat? Nice joke sehunnie, but its not april fools…” jongin mumbled, then he let that sink in. “w-wait… are you serious?” _

_ Sehun nodded, staring at the ground. _

_ Tears came pouring out of jongin’s eyes. He sobbed, he wailed, he cried, he resented. _

_ "W-why?” jongin choked out. _

_ “Im sorry, we just don't work out.” sehun mumbled, eyes still glued to the ground. _

_ Jongin laughed. He swore he was going insane. “4 years. No, 4 years and 10 months. It took you 4 years and 10 months, more than a thousand days, to find out we dont work out? Dont play me, Oh Sehun.” the once sobbing boy is now vengeful and angry. _

_ “Well, if thats what you really want, then fine.” jongin spat, pulling out his phone to call someone. _

_ “Jongdae, may i stay over at your place for a while? Yeah, sure, thanks, appreciate it bro. Bye.”  _

_ Jongin started shoving his clothes into a luggage, and he was out of the house in 5 mins, but not before looking back one last time at Sehun. _

__

**I hate the little things like when I'm unaware**

**I still remember how we broke so perfectly**

__

Jongin sat at the bench, falling sakura petals enveloping him.

__

He thought about that moment, and tears started to well up in his eyes.  Next thing he knew, he was bawling, people were staring at him-- _ sehun was staring at him _ , but he didnt care. All this pent up emotion, all finally letting out.

__

“ _Damn you, Oh Sehun, why the hell did I love you so much, for you to just leave me? Why?_ ” jongin screamed, he wanted to make sure sehun heard it. He collapsed on the ground, soon passing out, he remembered a figure running to him, just a bit of him was hoping it was sehun, but that's too much to ask for, right?   
  


**I loved you every minute, every second**

**Loved you even if it was just for a moment**

__

“He likely passed out from fatigue, he will be fine soon, just make sure he gets enough rest.” the doctor said, which woke jongin up.

__

“W-where am i?” jongin asked, immediately sitting up when he saw the exact face he didnt want yet oh so wanted to see.

And jongin knew that he was soon going to tear up again after seeing his face.

__

But he didnt say anything, just leaning back on the bed.

__

Sehun looked at jongin. He looked… wrecked.

__

His eyes once filled with light and sparkles, now dull and lifeless, shineless.

His once rosy cheeks lost its colour.

His once hydrated, well taken care of lips were now dry and parched.

__

Sehun felt a pang of guilt. He knew, he was responsible for all of this.

__

Yet, he didnt know what to do.

__

**Always and forever can wait for the time because**

**You were not the one, I know that now**

__

“Jongin, i-” “save it, its fine.” jongin tried, he _tried so hard_ to keep a cold front in front of sehun, but it was _breaking_ and he knew it.

__

“NO! ITS NOT FINE, its… not fine-” jongin choked on his sobs, it felt like no matter how much emotions he tries to let go, they just keep coming back.

__

Sehun just stared at the weeping figure beneath him, deciding that letting him cry it out would be best.

__

**I loved you 'til the last of snow disappeared**

**Missed you on the rainy days of the year**

__

“I loved you so much, Oh Sehun. I hate to admit it, but you were and are my world. I- im sorry. I just have to.” jongin muttered, getting out of the bed, grasping sehun’s sculpted face in his hands and kissed him

__

This kiss wasn't loving, it was filled with regret, melancholy, sadness,  angst, anger, frustration.

Yet, why was this such a nice, tender kiss?

Jongin pulled back, cheeks red from the previous happenings.

“T-thats it, you may go now. We dont need to talk anymore, this is just a closure of sorts. Wish you and Minyoung the best, know that as much i hate it, ill always be here.” jongin said with trembling lips, before giving sehun one last hug, and relishing in the warmth he used to have every day, but now is just a _long gone feeling_.

**In a world now lost of life I see nothing**

**In a bit of time 'cause I deserve better**

Jongin stared out the hospital window, looking down at the ground beneath him.

Thats when he knew what he had to do-- what he wanted to do for those entire 2 months, since he got his final wish, there was no point anyways.

He dragged his iv bag along with him, and took the lift up to the rooftop garden that the hospital had.

He stood at the edge, pulling out each iv needle one by one.

“ _Maybe in the afterlife, ill be able to love you and marry you. Maybe, this world was just unlucky. Sure, right?_ ” jongin muttered to himself, standing on the edge, many onlookers horrified, one dialing 911.

Jongin smiled, spread his arms wide and took the plunge. 

Next thing he knew, he was being carried on a stretcher.

He stared at sehun, who was at his side, running along with the doctors, and with all his might, whispered, “i love you, i love you so much Oh Sehun. Look what you did to me. Dont worry love, ill see you soon.”

The last thing he saw was sehun’s worried face, and then he closed his eyes, and fell into the welcoming arms of darkness, and he stayed there forever.

**Always and forever when the right time comes because**

**Part of loving you is letting go**

**Part of loving you was letting go**

**_after all, the darkness was the only place that gave him warmth other than sehun's embrace._ **

_   
  
  
  
_

  
  


****  
  



End file.
